Successful Relationship Requires We Practice the David Reaction
December 24, 2012 1 Comment
In Scripture King David is referred to as a man after God’s own heart. It would be difficult to have a greater accolade given to any individual than this one given to David. Yet, I look at David and my question is probably similar to yours. What made David special? David was at the very least a liar, a thief, an adulterer, and a murderer. How could David be all these things and still be a man after God’s heart? David wasn’t a man after God’s heart because of his actions. David was the man he was because of his reactions. When David realized his mistakes he was sorry for what he had done. He did the best he could to correct his misgivings before God. How does this apply to relationship and the part of men in particular?
Please allow me to show you how the David reaction should look in any successful relationship:
- The David Reaction requires that our mistakes upset us. When David was approached by Nathan after he had committed the sins surrounding Bathsheba, David burned with anger. Sin ought to make us angry. Wrong ought to upset us. It is easy to be angry if someone else does the wrong. Our problem is being upset with ourselves when we are the problem. David was clearly upset with what he had done. We need to be upset with what we have done when the wrong has occurred as a result of our actions. Too often our response is to blame someone else. She made me do it. It isn’t my fault. We are like Adam in the garden, ”It isn’t my fault, it’s this woman you gave to me.” How many of us want a mate willing to own up to things they have done and be upset with their own choices when those choices are bad. Think about how much better relationships could be if we were upset with ourselves when we “messed up.”
- The David Reaction requires we own our mistakes. When David was shown by Nathan his sin with Bathsheba his response was simple. He said, “I have sinned against the Lord.” He made no excuses, he blamed no one but himself, he owned his sin. This is the first response we must offer if our relationship is to be what is wanted and needed. Husbands how would our wives respond if we simply owned up to our mistakes? No excuse offered and no whining. What if we would simply say, “I made a mistake, I am sorry.” Wives how would your husband feel if when you were wrong you accepted blame without excuse. We are living in a culture not willing to do this. Our response often is to say, “it isn’t my fault!” What kind of relationship would we have if we were willing to admit our mistakes? How many arguments could be avoided, how many families saved if we could admit the bad choices and mistakes we make? It isn’t am I going to make a mistake or bad choice. Simply put, the real question is this, “how am I going to deal with it now that it has been done?”
- The David Reaction requires we deal with the consequences and move on with our lives. When David realized what he had done he accepted the consequences and moved on with his life. Often marriages are crippled or destroyed because of our inability to accept the consequences and move on. I have talked with many couples who were still dealing with issues that had taken place years ago. Deal with the issue and move on with your life. What David did concerning Bathsheba was a sin before God and a disgrace to the kingdom. David’s response wasn’t to complicate the sin by making another poor choice. David accepted what he had done and then dealt with the situation. It had to be a temptation for David to have put Bathsheba away. This would have been the easiest thing for David to do. Instead, David made the choice to bring Bathsheba into the Palace. Everyday for the rest his life Bathsheba would be a reminder of what he had done. This sin left some terrible scars. David didn’t make the easy choice, he made the right choice. How often do we see someone make a bad choice in a relationship and then complicate the problem by making a second or third bad choice. Marriages and relationships fail when they could have been saved if the problem had been dealt with and the partners had simply moved on with their lives.
Successful relationships will incorporate the David response. It isn’t a question of will we make bad choices. The real question is how do we deal with bad choices when we make them. -dell kimberly-