There comes a time when it is difficult to continue…..

At times some reach a point in life where it becomes impossible to go on.  I am close to reaching that point.  I blame no one, I hold no one responsible.  I made the decisions I made without anyone forcing me to do so.  Was I the only one to do wrong? No.   Yet, when all is said and done, I have no one to blame for my situation but myself.

In the past 10 months I have lost family, friends, health, wealth, reputation, and the desire to succeed in life.  On June 6 of this year I suffered a stroke.  More likely than not it will eventually be  the cause of my death.  I have tried to do the best I can since June 6 to put my life back together.  During this time I have cried out to God for His help in my life. I am at peace with God.   My hope to take this a step farther.

There are relationships and friendships that have been destroyed.  I would appreciate an opportunity to repair those.  Unfortunately circumstances make it impossible for me to do so in every case.  To all who read this and feel they were harmed by me in any way I extend my most sincere apology and ask only that I be forgiven by you.  To all who harmed me I want you to understand I hold no ill will in any form.  To the one who promised to destroy me, I forgive you and will remember this against you no more. There are many I miss and much I wish I had done differently.  I did not intend to harm anyone. I only wish good in the lives of all who have considered me either friend or enemy.

I do hope that you will not remember the hurt I caused.  It is my deepest desire that you would remember the friend I was or the good I intended to bring.  To all who know me, it is my desire that God bless you and hold you in the hallow of His hand.

In Christ,   Dell Kimberly

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12 Responses to There comes a time when it is difficult to continue…..

  1. Dell, I’m so sorry all this has happened. Your posts were something I looked forward to reading each time. Your situation is another reminder to me to be cautious. I’ve had too many good, God-fearing men trying to do right and slipped up and destroyed what they had spent a life time building. But watching them I see something else. If you have a repentant heart God can and will use you again. It’s like pulling nails from a board, the scars are still there. But the carpenter can take the used board, trim it and make it fit where it is needed and still do good work.

  2. Dell, my brother, please take the Lord up on His offer to start over from the beginning.

    My prayers are with you.

  3. Dennis Ensor says:

    Dell,
    My heart and prayers are with you. Could it be that God is preparing your for your best work? Let him use you. God bless. Dennis

  4. Don Morrison says:

    I can only affirm what these three have already written. “Today is the day of salvation.” Always today. You are loved.

  5. Carole May says:

    Dell, My love and respect for you has not and will not change

    At 78 and after 60 years in the body of Christ, want to share with you some insights the Lord has shown as the result of tragedy–following tragedy is when we, as Chrisians, are most receptive to LISTENING

    It was in 1981 or 2 that I was directly affected by an attempted suicide–a 21 yr old in our congregation. On the same day, the husband in a family my son was close to shot and killed his wife and the took his own life,

    I asked the Lord to show me through Scripture what the Lord’s church is having as many problems as the world. Within 30 minutes, He gave the answer

    THE CHURCH Is NOT being taught the IN DEPTH meaning of THE TWO GREATEST COMMANDMENTS. Evn though Jesus, Himself, referred to them as “the greatest”, very little focus is given to them. There is not a Christian college or preaching school that spends a semester digging in to gain the understanding that is there.

    Sermons are given challenging us to “love God”–“love neighbors” but we are not taught HOW to do it

    The “how” comes in learning to “love yourself” in a healthy way–thereby glorifying God. The bottom line is that we are COMMANDED to love OURSELVES so that we, as Christians, can serve others in love as Christ did.

    This is no small task who is the hardest one to forgive, to be patient with, accept as one having value in the sight of God, etc? SELF. Think of the 3,000–convicted of killing Christ and then taught by Peter that they must learn to love themselves so they can serve others. Is it an assumption that Peter taught them to love themselves? NO because “loving self is part of “all things which I have commanded you” Result? They grew to selling property, etc to serve others and the church grew by leaps and bounds

    As a woman, knowing I am not going to be in a pulpit teaching this truth, have tried to share what was given to me with preachers and elders–the responses (except for a few) continue to be negative because I — a woman–have tried to share it with a man–“usurping authority”

    Dell, I am convinced that Satan continues to keep the leadership blinded to the power within submission to the command of loving self Ina HEALTHY way

    When we love self as God commands, we do all possible to protect self spiritually thereby honoring God through self denial in service to God. We don’t get involved with addictions, gluttoning, and all of the sins that beset man. Satan is ALIVE and ACTIVE IN THE CHURCH in his last efforts to get REVENGE back at God for having kicked him out of heaven

    Dell, right now I am in Nebraska trying to help my son’s family. As you know, my 19 year old grandson shot himself I August, 2010–died 11 months later six hours before my husband, since that time, have been subjected to several suicide scenarios.

    Within the past week, a deacon in the church took his own life. In July, Anthony’s sister (19) attempted to kill herself in a car wreck–

    After Anthony shot himself, I asked God why so many are attempting or succeeding in suicide

    The answer directly from the Lord–“People do not realize their value in MY sight as an individual person” Goes right back to the TGCs, doesn’t it?

    With the new wisdom you have gained, you have an even greater tool to reach out to others from the truth of having been there, there are those who will listen. Begin your own IN DEPTH study of TGC and allow the Lord to nourish your soul thereby

    Remember, how God used Paul–transforming him from criminal to apostle

    Dell Kimberly is just as valuable in the sight of God as Paul

    Onward and Upward, Brother

    Because of Christ

    Carole May

  6. Jan Cox says:

    Dell,
    I am so very sorry all this has happened. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom and have no other place to turn except back to God. God is right where you left Him. Like the Prodical Son, the Father will meet you and accept you back as His child–and He and the angels in heaven will rejoice. I still love you and Robbie, I never stopped. I pray for you both often. Take care my friend! May God hold you in the hollow of His hand. Jan

  7. Wanda Sanford says:

    11/28/12

    Dell,

    This is Marvin. I want you to know that as far as I’m concerned you are still my friend. I told you when all of this started that I understood what you were going through. What I didn’t tell you, though,, was that I also understood the reasons for falsehoods. I believed only, what I knew from personal experience, what was true & what was not.

    It would be interesting to know how many of those men we know faced similar temptations & gave in to them but it was kept secret. When I was your age, twice I was involved in counciling women who were having marital problems & was strongly tempted to do what was wrong, but by no strength of my own, I walked away from it. So I know & understand.

    I am so sorry that you have suffered so much. We both know that Satan was behind everything bad that’s happened. I am glad that you know a peace with God & you are willing to forgive those Satan used. That is the first step to recovery. Asking those you feel you’ve harmed to forgive you is the second step. Now, you must forgive yourself.

    Wanda & I both love you & are concerned for your future. Do not hesitate to call us or visit us. Our hearts & door are opened.

    “Things Happen, and how we deal with them makes us who we are. We can either choose to learn and rise above or give up and let the bad things defeat us.”

  8. Fatima Zahra Kamali says:

    I am your friend now, and always..Do not let anything destroy the kind, loving,caring man that has been my friend..Continue fighting for your health, and peace..When all is said and done, and people have concluded, judged, and harmed; yet profess the “word of scripture”.. Let them also remember, “He who is without sin, cast the first stone”…Please know you are a cherished friend; actually my best friend..and in Islam; the Sufi sect., my religious beliefs are based on forgiveness, love, kindness and compassion for our fellow brothers and sisters..Shameful to you Dell, that you have almost lost your life over this…Be strong, “Our God” is a loving forgiving man…the SAME God some so called Christians, profess as their own..I will never understand how those that profess to love Christ as their savior, take it upon themselves to personally destroy others. The tragic irony of thee sick, twisted so called Christians, is that they have “terrorized” you to the brink of total destruction, physically, and emotionally. Hmmm, and to think, all this time “terrorists” were thought to be radical Muslims, not “good Christian” followers..Wonder what the God we ALL worship would say about this. Seems you should not be the one worried Dell.. There is only one true judge, and it certainly is not me or them.Two people know what happened. NO ONE ELSE….Peace and love be with you always, Fatima Zahra Kamali

  9. Becky says:

    Dell,
    I don’t know what your problem is, or what you have done in the past, but we all have had our share of them. Some seems worse than others, but you do not walk alone and God still loves you, you are his child and do you think that Glenda or Tom (if alive) would give up on you. Absolutly Not!!! I am having many problems right now. Johnny is down with his Parkinsons and very hard to handle, everytime I get him down, 2 minutes later he is up again and has to be pulled up. I am doing this just getting over 2 broken ribs, a fall on my knee and conjestive heart failure, but I know that God is in control and will take care of me somehow, also Johnny and Steve too. remember, we love you and hope things get better for you and all. Glad thats Gllenda is better.
    Love, Becky, Johnny and Steve

  10. Judy says:

    I can’t believe this is still going on. I feel so bad for you. I will pray for you. Judy

  11. Judy B, says:

    Dear Dell,
    I hope you are reading and heeding the many wise comments sent to you above. These people are offering the guidance of reminders of what you know to to be true when you listen to the inner voice that has guided you in the past. You are a good man who has slipped once. That slip should not be the focus of your life, Think of the good you have done and can still do. Think of how much you helped my father, as one example. Take care, my friend.

  12. S. Rae says:

    Dear Dell, you do not know me, I lived in a little country down under. Over the years, I have read your post and have learned much.. Thank you for sharing your last post. Tonight I was reading Hebrews. About listening….. Thank you Dell.. God bless you.

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